Fat and Polyamorous

Hi all,

I was wondering if any of my lovely readers identified as polyamorous. I’ve recently come out as poly and am very interested to hear about any experiences another fat and poly person might have had (esp. since I’m still a real n00b at this point).

Do you find that being fat makes a bigger, lesser, or the same difference in the poly dating world as in the  mono dating world, for instance? My guess is that it would make less of a difference since lots of poly people seem to already be engaged in the alternative world, but I have no practical experience to either verify or reject that guess.

(for those who don’t know what polyamory is, Franklin Veaux has a set of fantastic essays on the subject – “Polyamory – What, Like Two Girlfriends?“)

Thanks in advance for any comments!

6 comments on “Fat and Polyamorous

  1. zaftigger says:

    Why yes indeed.

    I’ve been actively poly for about fifteen years now. I’m not particularly fat myself, but the people I tend to be in relationships with are. I’ve been uncloseted about both of those for about that long.

    Overall, it probably makes things a bit harder; the set of people who are or are comfortable with being poly can be small, the set of people who are comfortable with fat is sadly small, and so the overlap between the two is smaller still.

    But it works out. I have been very lucky to have some spectacular people in my life.

    The two issues seem to interact different in each relationship. Some people find one much more challenging to accept than the other. But, of course, part of what makes poly the joy that it is is that each relationship is unique, and needs to be explored differently.

  2. I find that people in all types of alternative sexualities (my specialty is BDSM) are more accepting of fat people than people in the mainstream world.

    I recently went to a fetish fair in Boston, and there were literally all types of bodies naked or suggestively clothed. A lot of them were fat and some were even really jiggly and no one cared. In fact, fat people had a lot of the best clothes. So, IME, fat people have more of a home in poly and most other altsex venues.

    • bigliberty says:

      Awesome! I know people who went to that fetish fair, cool (I’m also a Bostonian of sorts). And I think you’re right about the altsex folks, at least from what I’ve started to see.

      I’ve also been getting interested in BDSM, but it’s something I haven’t played around with since I was in my very early 20s (and then only lightly).

      Thanks for the comment, Joanna, as usual you rock!

  3. erosissa says:

    I am fat and polyamorous. I can’t really compare fat monogamy to fat poly, because I’ve been both fat and polyamorous my entire adult life. For me, my last attempt at monogamy was while skinny and in high school, so that’s not much of a comparison! 🙂 I belong to some subcultures – I’m a burner, dabble with BDSM, and a lot of my friends are Pagan – since almost everyone I know is non-mainstream in some way, I think there’s a higher level of acceptance and enjoyment for different body types, too. It just hasn’t mattered much for me, but I don’t know how much that depends on the particular social circle I’m in. Almost everyone I know is poly, many of us identify as sluts, and several of us are fat – our relationships and sex lives seem to carry on pretty successfully. 🙂

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