Why I don’t feel guilty eating a cupcake

BigLiberty, on The-F-Word.org:

I actually just talked to my dad – a lifetime yo-yo dieter and one of the sources of my own disordered eating – about how if you actually just let your body eat what it wants, after some period of initial adjustment, suddenly you’ll see that you AREN’T binging on one ‘forbidden’ food, or eating the same bland two ‘good’ foods day in and day out (i.e., you’ll have more variety in your diet).

For instance, a year and a half ago I was near my lowest weight post-anorexia. No, I wasn’t wasting away…to the eye. I was 215 lbs, 6′ 0″ tall. To maintain this shockingly low weight, I was eating one frozen Lean Cuisine a day, a cup of plain vegetables, a low-fat granola bar, and a bowl of raisin bran. I never drank anything with calories (neither milk, nor juice, nor soda). I also exercised, biking in Boston for about 1 hr a day. Sometimes I went to the gym, where I’d exercise 2 hrs a day (1 hr 20 cardio, the rest weights).

Once in a while—once a month or so—I binged on Ben & Jerry’s, usually Vanilla Heath Bar Crunch. I’d eat the whole thing in one sitting (is that 1/2 pint? I forget). I attributed this binge to the fact that I wasn’t losing weight (215 lbs was a weight I couldn’t break through, even when I was semi-fasting once in a while, skipping a half day or whole day once in a while).

However, that year and a half ago, I met the man who was going to be my future fiancee, and a few months later we were living together. I started eating what he, a skinny guy, ate — normal foods, homecooked meals with meat, potatoes, veggies. I ate breads (gasp!), rice (gasp!), and lots of wonderful salads.

And you know what I WASN’T doing anymore? Binging. I also gained a good 40 pounds over about 9 months, and that’s when I stopped gaining (the 30-40 pound weight range that has been recently hypothesized I have experimentally verified ;) ). I’ve been at my current weight for about 8 months now, and there’s no sign of any more gain. I also eat healthier now than ever – veggies, fruits, ice cream, milk, cheeses, breads, meats of all kinds, eggs. My diet is varied, and I feel wonderful. I don’t overeat, and I don’t UNDEReat anymore.

I have treats once in a while, like every normal person does (if they didn’t, bakeries wouldn’t exist!). I also love veggies and so-called ‘morally good’ foods more than I EVER did when I was dieting (they were my psychological enemy, if not my actual enemy, since I hated every bite).

To those who want to make foods into “good” and “bad,” I want to ask you nicely to stop imposing your disordered food issues on myself and my children. Misery loves company; since I’m not miserable, go find someone else to corrupt and control.

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One comment on “Why I don’t feel guilty eating a cupcake

  1. 99ppp says:

    There are no “bad” foods, just poor quantities of some foods, in my experience. Binging is a result of malnourishment, and kudos for finding your satisfactory balance.

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