Now that I’m back from six days of convention preparation and participation (with one day of rest…my feet still hurt so badly, danged useless orthopedic inserts!), I thought I’d make a short post about something that’s been rolling around in my head for a while.
My youngest to-be stepdaughter, “T”, a girl of 14 1/2 tender years, mentioned this past fall some of her former friends had begun to alienate her from their “group.” It was typical Queen Bee behavior on the part of the ringleader, “M”, formerly one of T’s best friends. M was angry T was spending a lot of time with another girl, A, and wasn’t chumming with their group as much and giving M proper homage (apparently).
All this I inferred given T’s comment about M (and having met M at one of T’s sleepovers). The catty insult T thought was the worst, levied her way by M (the one T chose to mention to me): was that M mentioned nearly every day that T looked “fat” in some clothes, or that she seemed “bloated,” etc.
If T were fat, I’d be outraged. T is not fat. I’m just as outraged.
T is a healthy young girl with no eating issues (yet), and good body image (so far). She’s average height for her age, and her doctors claim she is of “normal” weight (though this observation is, of course, based on the bullshit BMI). But M is stick-thin; so is T’s friend A. T definitely has more fat tissue on her body than those girls. But a large amount? Heck no. T is thin. She’s just not starving — and that’s the problem, apparently.
I’m always ultra-vigilant about T’s body image. She’s healthy now — eats well, has candy when she wants to but loves her veggies (with the exception of tomatoes and peas, lol), has no “good” and “bad” food issues (despite her mother’s various neuroses concerning food). She likes to jog once in a while, or walk, to get exercise. She’s extremely healthy. I don’t want her “friends” to pressure her into believing the only acceptable body is one where you can reach out and shake hands with one’s collarbone.
All I do is try to subtly stress there are no “good” and “bad” foods, that popcorn during a movie is great and if you’re hungry, you should eat (and if you don’t want to finish everything on your plate, you don’t have to). In other words, make food a non-issue. I also point out, in a joking way, that “If diets actually worked, why are diet companies still in business?” whenever there are diet commercials.
However, a part of me feels like it’s out of my control, for the most part. My oldest to-be stepdaughter, “D”, has gone on diets from time to time. She’s very thin; she was thin when she went on the diet. Thankfully, none of the diets seem to have been severe, but there’s always that danger.
If this culture has made calling a teenage girl “fat” the worst insult of all — the one that sticks in her mind, eats away at her — is there any hope I could try to nip image issues in the bud? Is there more I could be doing—or should I back off? I want her to take me seriously, but not think I’m lecturing to her or cause her get frustrated and rebellious.
Teenagers are hard. LOL 
